Washington, DC — White House HR staff have tried unsuccessfully for the last 6 months to have President Trump attend mandatory Presidential orientation training.
Nancy Jenson, HR Director for the White House, showed her frustration in a recent interview. “I don’t want to say that the President not attending his first day orientation session has contributed to the widespread reports of ‘chaos’, ‘confusion’ or ‘Russian involvement in American government at the highest levels’, but every other President in recent memory has attended the training the first Monday after inauguration and none of them have had some of the issues we’ve seen.”
Other senior White House HR officials concur that the lack of orientation training is hampering President Trump’s ability to govern. An anonymous source said, “It really is crucial to be there for that session. In it, we go over the Mission Statement of the United States of America, as well as critical HR policies like not leaking classified information, the three branches of government basics, when you can fire people and how a bill becomes a law. We even have a special 20 minute tutorial on how to turn on the conference room lights. When President George W. Bush completed his training, he couldn’t stop telling us how valuable it was and that without it, he probably couldn’t have known all the nooks and crannies he used to justify projects like Guantanamo Bay.”
White House Chief of Staff John Kelly explained that the President “fully intends to fulfill is orientation obligation just as soon as he’s done making America great again. His mission is so encompassing and engrossing that he simply can’t carve out a full day for it,” Kelly said from Trump’s Bedminster Golf Resort where the President is on a “working vacation” for 17 days.
President Trump doubled down on not attending orientation training on Monday via Twitter, saying “Too busy winning to attend training. Would only slow me down! #MAGA”