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Austin
Monday, February 18, 2019
Bernie Sanders

Sanders’ Wife Getting Tired Of Hearing “Come Feel the Bern, Baby”

Burlington, VT -- Jane O'Meara Sanders, wife of Senator Bernie Sanders, is really tired of the Senator ending most days with "Come feel the Bern,...
Donald Trump

Trump Nomination To Be Truly Multicultural

Cleveland, OH -- When Donald Trump is nominated in Cleveland, OH on July 21, 2016, he promises that the affair will be truly "multicultural"....
Presidential Election Polling Location

States Approve Bars as Presidential Polling Locations

Austin, TX -- Citing the abysmal quality of this year's Presidential candidates, seven states so far have approved bars as presidential polling locations for...

Sanders Brings Slingshot to Clinton Meeting

New York, NY -- Hillary Clinton, surrounded by her campaign advisors and donors, strode forth from her campaign headquarters after her recent primary victories...
Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton Close to Completing Dark Ritual of Ascension

New York, NY -- Having gathered all Democratic political evil unto herself, Hillary Clinton prepares to complete her Dark Ritual of Ascension on July...

Nicolas Cage To Hurl Trump’s Phone Into Volcano To Save Democracy

Washington, DC -- Nicolas Cage, sitting in counsel with his wisest friend, Gary Busey, determined this week that in order to save democracy, they...
Donald Trump

Trump Campaign Announces VP Short list

The Donald Trump Campaign recently announced their short list of Vice Presidential Candidates.   Kevin Bacon "Kevin is literally the most well-connected man on the planet.  If...

Congress Consults with Comcast to Improve Approval Ratings

Washington, DC -- Congress is consulting with Comcast on how to improve its dismal public approval rating by the American public. "Comcast is a true...
Grandmother

Grandmother’s Assessment of Candidates: “Well, Bless Their Hearts”

College Station, TX -- Jason Tatum's Grandmother offered her considered opinion of the 2016 Presidential candidates by beginning her comments with "Well, bless their...

Latest Trump University Poll Has Trump Ahead By Like, 1,000 points

New York, NY -- The Trump University Poll of Public Opinion has found that Donald Trump is leading Hillary Clinton by like, 1,000 points. Professors...