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AWS Announces Buzzword as a Service

Seattle, WA — AWS is pleased to announce the immediate availability of Buzzword as a Service for customers who need to claim they are using cutting edge technology in PowerPoint.

We’ve catered to builders, developers, devops folks, system administrators, and more.  But there’s one key customer group we’ve left out of the equation, and that’s management.  Managers have a deep-seated need to claim they are running organizations that are cutting edge, regardless of whether that’s true or not.  And so we are pleased to announce this new service which when activated will generate PowerPoint slide after PowerPoint slide using buzzwords in the most imaginative ways possible.

Pricing is simple.  We have the free tier, which allows you unlimited use of the terms “devops” and “agile”.  We’ve found that since no one really knows what those means anyway, it makes sense just to put it in the free tier.  We have four tiers of pricing above the free tier, all of which are based on where the word falls in the Gartner Magic Quadrant (TM).  For instance, the use of “Oracle Cloud” falls in our most affordable price tier (Quadrant 1), whereas if you use “AWS Cloud” you will be charged in the premium tier (Quadrant 4).  Quadrant 1 is $0.10 per use, Quadrant 2 is $0.15 per use.  Quadrant 3 is $0.30 per use.  Quadrant 4 terms are $0.50 per use.  And finally, we charge $1.25 per PowerPoint slide.

Simply attach the Buzzword Endpoint (BE) to your VPC and feed it some sample terms you are looking for and then sit back and let the Endpoint generate slides using our AI-enhanced Buzzword Analytics Engine (BAE).  In no time, the C-Suite will look at the capabilities your purport your organization to have and nod their heads knowingly.

Let’s take an example.  Let’s say that you’ve asked the BE to generate a 25 slide presentation showcasing your Business Intelligence (BI) capabilities.  You’ve also specified that you only want to use Quadrant 3 and Quadrant 4 terms.  The BAE generated slides with a keyword density of 50 buzzwords per slide, with an even distribution between Quadrants 3 and 4.

(25 slides x $1.25/slide) + (25 Quadrant 3 buzzwords * $0.30 * 25 slides) + (25 Quadrant 4 buzzwords * $0.50 * 25 slides) = $531.25

As you can see, $53.25 is a paltry sum to spend to ensure that you can continue to build your empire.  The ROI for BaaS-based slides is typically many thousands of percent when you factor in the extra bonus and stock you receive for leading such a cutting edge organization.



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