You Personally Are Holding Up Entire Company


Dallas, TX — I am totally blocked right now. This is urgent. URGENT. !!!! Did you change something? I have not changed anything. This was working just yesterday. You must have changed something. Please do the needful. You must fix this — on a war footing. This is the most critical project that the company has ever had, and if you don’t fix this problem that you clearly caused, we will be late. I will have to escalate to our VP if this is not fixed within 10 minutes. Can you provide an ETA? How can we ensure that this never happens again?

Oh wait. My computer is not plugged in. I will still need you to provide a root cause analysis by COB. ASAP.



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The Head Brewmaster believes passionately that a free press must be a sarcastic press. In order for democracy to survive, we must weed out dolts by providing them silly, fake news to post seriously on Facebook. Only after unmasking people we otherwise thought were sane can we truly begin to ignore their little opinions.