Austin, TX — HR Generalist Sue Steffington clucks her tongue as she reviews her list of heartless bastards who are too self-absorbed to give back to the community. “It’s such a shame, some of these people are otherwise outstanding contributors to the company.”
Sue uses this information carefully, holding it back until performance evaluation season, when managers rank employees. Even then, she only uses this weapon when she sees a “decliner” getting up towards the top of the rank, often using it to devastating effect.
“It’s important to keep a holistic view of performance at review time. Sure, Ted may have driven revenue up by 1% and led a team of 20 successfully, but this company is more than just numbers. Our Core Values include community service, and Ted just isn’t displaying that.”
Carefully averting the death-ray stares from several mid-level managers, Sue focuses her attention only on the Director and VP level. Using her knowledge of insider catch-phrases and the latest HR terminology, Sue’s efforts bear fruit, and soon Ted finds himself in the no-man’s land of the “vital 80”. The “vital 80” is the large part of the organization destined for mediocre raises, bonus and far fewer stock options.
“I mean really, we’re talking about 4 hours per quarter of time invested to give back to our community. What could be so hard about that?”
Other Considerations
Sue’s “naughty list” isn’t confined simply to community service. She also keeps a detailed log of those who do not participate in the corporate-sponsored United Way activities. “Could there be anything easier than setting aside a percentage of your salary to give to such a worthy cause? That one really frustrates me because you don’t have to DO anything, just give!”
A lesser sin is to ignore the corporate-sponsored “Step Up” program, in which corporate issues employees pedometers to track their number of steps. This program usually manifests itself as older women strapping on tennis shoes at lunchtime and walking in circles around the building, shaming their younger coworkers with their industry.
“Our Core Values cover so much more than just business. And really, who would want to ignore them? All the Core Values are trying to do is make all of us better people. Who wouldn’t want that?”