Man Successfully Gets Every Item On Shopping List Right

"You gotta really bring your A-game if you're gonna buy nitrite-free hot dogs."


Leander, TX — Local man Dave Burkhoff successfully purchased all of the items on his wife’s list today, including correct name brands, generics and quantities.

“I just really felt like I was in a zone today, you know?  And this was not an easy list.  Not at all.  I had to get generic Tylenol, but name brand toilet paper.  And I got real close on the rice.  Almost got basmati when she specified jasmine, and like halfway down the aisle I realized I got the wrong thing.  It was an amazing save, frankly.  Do you know how many different kinds of hot dogs there are now?  It ain’t like the days of Oscar Meyer or Ballpark.  And do you also know how hard it is to figure out if they have nitrites in them or not?  You gotta really bring your A-game if you’re gonna buy nitrite-free hot dogs.  Believe me, it’s hard.  But really, I have to give all the glory to God.  I just felt Him urging me down the aisles, giving me the strength to look at the list and compare what I was supposed to get with what was in my hand.  But as amazing as this victory is, there will be other lists.  I can’t get too caught up in this win.  I got to keep giving it 110% all the time and really focus on what’s on that list.  Next list may be tomorrow, may be next week, but I gotta keep working and training.”

woman-1376120702a5qDenise Burkhoff applauded her husband’s efforts, offering guarded optimism.  “Dave did great in that store today.  But he’s got to keep his head in the game and really look at those labels.  This is a game of details.  Small mistakes like buying name brand medicine can really cost a family the financial game in the long run.  Sure, you can get away with that stuff once or twice, but keeping to the shopping list is about habits. Labor Day is coming soon, and we’re hosting a big cookout this year.  Ain’t no one gonna put up with cheap-ass barbecue sauce, even if you did get the Vlasic pickles.  Dave’s gotta focus if he’s gonna keep getting lists from me, and believe me he is.  Our Labor Day cookout is a next-level kind of list.”

The odds of a man successfully completing a shopping list correctly are approximately 3,720 to 1, to which most men reply “never tell me the odds.”