St. Louis, MO — Two fact checkers have succumbed to injuries sustained in the continued assault on the truth on Sunday evening.
EMT’s arrived on the scene as Dwayne Jarvis, 34, and Nancy Johnson, 52, lay unconscious. Several other fact checkers in the room sustained carpal injuries in an attempt to keep up with the rapid fire battering of objective truth.
“Donald Trump is essentially a mini gun of dishonesty”, said John Baker, manager at FactUCheck, an independent organization dedicated to fact checking elections. “Our fact checkers couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with the volleys, obfuscations and half-truths. Mr. Jarvis’ keyboard actually caught fire.”
“While Trump takes a direct aim at the truth, Hillary Clinton engages in guerrilla warfare on it, stealthily mixing fact with fiction in a way that causes even the most seasoned fact checker to flirt with madness. Unfortunately for Ms. Johnson, tonight’s town hall proved too much for her mentally. She collapsed to the floor in convulsions mid-way through.”
“Paramedics did what they could to save both of them, but they, much like American Democracy, were mortally wounded by the events of Sunday night.”
Baker, visibly shaken, informed the BrewBlog that this was the first fatalities “on his watch”. “I don’t know how this office, or this nation, will cope with a third debate.”