Apple Addresses Growth — Buys Taiwan


Cupertino, CA Tim Cook today reassured investors that Apple is taking its slowing growth in the China market seriously by outright purchasing Taiwan. “Purchasing Taiwan gives us enormous reach an access into the Asia Pacific region. Over the last decade, we have learned a lot in our dealings with the People’s Republic of China, and now we’re ready to take those lessons to a whole new level. We will have unprecedented access to 23 million individuals and every aspect of their lives in a way we’ve only dreamed of before.” Cook went on to announce that the Taiwanese military would now fall under Apple General Counsel Bruce Sewell’s organization, making the act of suing Apple a whole lot more interesting. Competitors are crying foul, saying that corporate nation building has been kept “under the radar” by a gentlemen’s agreement for decades now, and that by violating that agreement Apple is opening the door for outright corporate takeover of several countries, including Mexico, Thailand, Cuba and parts of Eastern Europe.