Brooklyn, NY — Hillary Clinton, the presumptive Democratic nominee for President, is now accepting donations through the Clinton Foundation for her Presidential Candidate Library, planned for Key West, Florida.
Historic Candidacy
Hillary Clinton, the first woman in American history to be the standard-bearer for a major political party, announced her plans for the first-ever Candidate Library in a press conference in the swing state of Florida.
“This historic candidacy deserves a Library, and we are going to build a Library through the help of the Clinton Foundation. And when we win the White House in November, we will begin plans for the Presidential Library. This first of its kind, $1.2 billion dollar Library will truly mark this first of its kind candidacy.”
Political commentators quickly weighed in on Clinton’s choice of Key West. “Key West ties her candidacy with Harry Truman, who spent a great deal of time there and had a home. The tie further recalls the famous “Dewey Defeats Truman” headline from the 1948 Presidential Election,” commented Wolf Blitzer of CNN. He continued, “Also, with ties to Ernest Hemingway and Tennessee Williams, she further cements herself as a candidate of intelligence.”
Fox News also chimed in on the choice, speculating that her choice of Key West makes it the closest US city to the Cayman Islands, a known banking haven for offshore accounts. The location makes it very easy to access the mountains of cash the Clinton Foundation manages. The location also has a nearby Margaritaville restaurant, making a convenient “hunting ground” for former President Bill Clinton.
Library Contents
The Clinton campaign plans to house thousands of redacted campaign documents, as well as fragments of important emails Candidate Clinton sends. The Library will also house all of the marketing materials and videos of any debates consensus says she won. The campaign also plans to have exhibits, such as a replica of the room the FBI used to interrogate Clinton.
It will not, however, house emails sent from Clinton’s private email server at her upstate New York home. “I think we can all agree that privacy is important to everyone, including Secretary Clinton,” an aide related.
The Trump campaign was quick to note that Donald has been building monuments to himself for years and that Hillary Clinton was “just a real amateur when it comes to this stuff. Terrible, just terrible.”