Hollywood, CA — Taylor Swift can do no wrong on the charts, as evidenced by her latest #1 hit, The Alphabet Song. “Selena Gomez and I were drinking one night and she said ‘Girl, you could burp the alphabet and still make it to number 1!’ So that’s exactly what I did.” The single, which has no musical accompaniment, is currently Number 1 on the Hot 100. Spyder Harrison, host of the Top 40 Countdown, said “in my 30 plus years of radio, I’ve never seen anyone get away with something like this.” Emma Watson, noted young feminist, offered praise for Swift, saying “It’s very empowering for a woman to take a traditionally male thing and make it her own. This is a victory for women everywhere.” Feminists aren’t the only ones taking note though. Several local men at a bar were overheard saying things such as “I thought she was hot before, but now I’d totally not kick her out of my bed.” Swift is currently working on material for her next album, which will not require as much work as she thought, as people will apparently just buy anything she slaps together.