Hillary Clinton Close to Completing Dark Ritual of Ascension

Hillary Clinton

New York, NY — Having gathered all Democratic political evil unto herself, Hillary Clinton prepares to complete her Dark Ritual of Ascension on July 28.  “Delegates, Super Delegates and Demonic Delegates all are at they bidding, Master,” whispered Robby Mook, campaign Chief of Staff.  “Excellent,” Hillary hissed, “command our legion to begin final rites.  There will be blood such as has not been seen since the days of FDR!”

“Yes, Mistress.  What shall we do about Sanders, Beloved One?”

“He will feel my full wrath soon enough,” she demurred.  “But he is yet too powerful.  We must be cautious in assailing him directly until my Ascension is complete.  Until then, release the Super PACs!”, the torches behind her suddenly gaining intensity and heat in concert with her will.

She then spun on her heel, leaving her minions to complete their tasks, while she attended to her captivated donors.  “Christ but it takes a lot of money to defeat a socialist,” she muttered on her way, changing her visage from one of terror to one of conviviality in an instant.