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Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Taiwan

Apple Addresses Growth — Buys Taiwan

Cupertino, CA Tim Cook today reassured investors that Apple is taking its slowing growth in the China market seriously by outright purchasing Taiwan. "Purchasing...

You Personally Are Holding Up Entire Company

Dallas, TX -- I am totally blocked right now. This is urgent. URGENT. !!!! Did you change something? I have not changed anything. This...
Documentation

Process Documentation a Chronicle of Incompetence

Round Rock, TX – John Dempsey, 34, looked on the step by step process detailing the creation of a new UNIX user ID with...

IT Connects ELIZA to Ticket System, Satisfaction Soars

Austin, TX -- After a recent disastrous attempt to outsource and offshore their internal front line call center, FlashNet Systems' IT department recently connected...
Janitorial Staff Hires Relationship Manager

Janitorial Staff Hires Relationship Manager

Pflugerville, TX -- The janitorial staff at A.E. Luskin, a small office supply manufacturer, recently hired a Relationship Manager to better interface with The...
Comcast Buys Domino's

Comcast Buys Domino’s

Philadelphia, PA -- Comcast announced it has signed a definitive offer to acquire Domino's Pizza for $5 Billion in an all cash deal.  "This...

Executive Outsources Parenting Responsibilities

Austin, TX -- Rod Templestein, an executive at Floosbin, recently selected a suitable supplier to outsource the parenting of his only son, Jayce. Templestein called a...

Jamaican Culture Successfully Commercialized

Falmouth, Jamaica -- Trump University scientists announced today that they have finally reduced the rich, complex culture of Jamaica into a successful commercial vehicle. "We proudly announce today that...
Hanes IoT

Hanes Enters IoT Market With ConcieveWear

Winston-Salem, NC -- Hanes, the clothing manufacturer known for their affordable undergarments, is entering the IoT (Internet of Things) market with their temperature monitoring underwear....

Realizing Synergy: IT, Janitorial Staff To Hold Joint Holiday Party

Round Rock, TX -- GreatTech CFO Don Rafferty announced in an inappropriately enthusiastic email that the IT and Janitorial Departments will hold a joint...
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