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Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Realizing Synergy: IT, Janitorial Staff To Hold Joint Holiday Party

Round Rock, TX -- GreatTech CFO Don Rafferty announced in an inappropriately enthusiastic email that the IT and Janitorial Departments will hold a joint...

Executive Outsources Parenting Responsibilities

Austin, TX -- Rod Templestein, an executive at Floosbin, recently selected a suitable supplier to outsource the parenting of his only son, Jayce. Templestein called a...

You Personally Are Holding Up Entire Company

Dallas, TX -- I am totally blocked right now. This is urgent. URGENT. !!!! Did you change something? I have not changed anything. This...

CFO Names Capybara New CIO

Austin, TX -- George Ramos, CFO to AcceleCorp, today name Sue the Capybara to be the next CIO of the company. "We talked to every...
Taiwan

Apple Addresses Growth — Buys Taiwan

Cupertino, CA Tim Cook today reassured investors that Apple is taking its slowing growth in the China market seriously by outright purchasing Taiwan. "Purchasing...
Comcast Buys Domino's

Comcast Buys Domino’s

Philadelphia, PA -- Comcast announced it has signed a definitive offer to acquire Domino's Pizza for $5 Billion in an all cash deal.  "This...

IT Announces eBay As Strategic Supplier

Cedar Park, TX -- Bob Zelnick, CIO of Infinibiz, proudly announced via email to the entire company today that the IT Department has selected...
Documentation

Process Documentation a Chronicle of Incompetence

Round Rock, TX – John Dempsey, 34, looked on the step by step process detailing the creation of a new UNIX user ID with...

Fourth Wall Broken at All-Hands Meeting

Dallas, TX --  At a recent all-hands meeting, CEO Rod Templestein broke the fourth wall, briefly talking to his employees rather than at them. Templestein,...

Celebrating Diversity: Company Promotes First Openly Incompetent Manager To Vice President

Austin, TX -- After years of openly discriminating against incompetence, Global Dynamics this week finally became a large enough company that it promoted an...
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