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Austin
Monday, February 18, 2019
David Cameron

Brexit: UK United With US in Political Lunacy

London, England -- The UK solidified its "Special Relationship" with the US in a historically loony vote on Thursday to exit the European Union. Cameron:  "I'll right...

Secret Service Frightened of Next Presidential Workload

Washington, DC -- Regardless of the outcome of the November elections, the Secret Service is frightened of their next Presidential workload. Our source at the...

Latest Trump University Poll Has Trump Ahead By Like, 1,000 points

New York, NY -- The Trump University Poll of Public Opinion has found that Donald Trump is leading Hillary Clinton by like, 1,000 points. Professors...

Lawyer Is Most Ethical, Respected Member of Trump Campaign

New York, NY -- Attorney Jared Johnson is by far the most ethical and respected member of the Trump for President campaign. "At first it...

Congress Consults with Comcast to Improve Approval Ratings

Washington, DC -- Congress is consulting with Comcast on how to improve its dismal public approval rating by the American public. "Comcast is a true...

Trump Budget Contains $45B For Severance Packages

Washington, DC -- Donald Trump has set aside $45 Billion in the next federal budget for anticipated severance packages for federal workers. "I plan on...
Bernie Sanders

Sanders’ Wife Getting Tired Of Hearing “Come Feel the Bern, Baby”

Burlington, VT -- Jane O'Meara Sanders, wife of Senator Bernie Sanders, is really tired of the Senator ending most days with "Come feel the Bern,...
Ted and Heidi Cruz

Heidi Cruz Voices Support for Straight Divorce

Houston, TX --  In a news conference near her Houston home, Heidi Cruz, wife of Senator Ted Cruz, today voiced her support of heterosexual...
Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton Close to Completing Dark Ritual of Ascension

New York, NY -- Having gathered all Democratic political evil unto herself, Hillary Clinton prepares to complete her Dark Ritual of Ascension on July...
Presidential Election Polling Location

States Approve Bars as Presidential Polling Locations

Austin, TX -- Citing the abysmal quality of this year's Presidential candidates, seven states so far have approved bars as presidential polling locations for...